What is romantic love
First let’s begin explaining that romantic love was indeed an invention. A story told throughout history.
Maybe we needed to define divine love, to make less abstract and bring it into our human perspective. Or maybe we needed a classification of our feelings. To identify them and maybe be in control of them. Who knows? One thing is for sure, Romantic love is existing embedded into our culture and our subconscious. Here I want to describe a few vital aspects romantic love is missing and a few toxic aspects it includes.
If you prefer it on video click here.
We expect our partner to be a certain way. That specific pattern we have established of romantic fiction love story in our minds. Build with the ideas of what we saw in our parents and how they loved each other. But also, with what we read in books, what we saw in movies, what we know from history, or story from our friends and neighbors. This soup of concepts becomes so complex that no human can match it EVER.
Do we really know who we are? Have we been courageous to admit the distortions of our personality? Because we don’t know them and we can’t identify them, they pop out dramatically when we are angry, hurt or triggered. When we fight with our partner, and they trigger those aspects of us. And even then, we don’t see them. It is so easy to keep blaming the other person and we say things like “You treat me so bad” “You offended me”. It’s all about what the other person does. Nothing about ourselves.
What about the ability to broadcast those distortions? We are afraid to admit and express those things we hide from our personality. We think if we are honest, they will run away. And yes, they might. But the sense of relief we feel when we can be honest is incomparable. And if the partner leaves, well, they make space for someone that has the guts, time and energy to withstand your personal craziness.
Our society teaches humans to deny and even to change those distortions of our personality. And how can someone accept the craziness of a partner if they are unable to accept their own?
Think of your relationship as a project. If you don’t commit to your idea, putting as many hours it needs, it just doesn’t flourish. The level of commitment is equivalent to the level of success. In everything including relationships. We have this wrong idea of relationships that it flows on its pace, while you sit with a cocktail in your hand watching the movie of your live unfold. Pure nonsense. You have to put in the work.
If the relationship is a project, that makes us partners, team players. From this perspective the individual growth and success it reflected in the relationship success. And vice versa. A team mindset doesn’t involve blaming the other, but acknowledging the obstacle and debate with the partner, brainstorm for a solution together.
As Sigmund Freud would describes us, we are little children trapped in adult bodies. Lack of emotional maturity is synonym with lack of responsibility. Just remember the last time you saw to children argue and that is exactly how we look when we fight in relationships. Finger pointing and not taking responsibility of our own behavior.
It is crucial we became mature, responsible, committed and educated human being before we try to have a flourishing relationship. But don’t worry if haven’t reach that yet, your partner will trigger all your lacks and blockages for you. It’s a win-win situation, nevertheless.
Read here the rest of the series:
What is Love, or Watch the video HERE.
How to love yourself, or Watch the video HERE.
Money and Love, or Watch the video HERE.