What constitutes a toxic relationship and can it be managed. How to approach it and what to learn from the relationship.
Many people have made videos about this topic and they usually describe dysfunctional relationships where one or both partners are not involved or committed to the relationship. They also mention, abusive or violent behavior. They mention lack of honesty and mistrust. Intense attention and too much love it’s also described as a toxic behavior. Narcissism, gas lighting and passive aggressive behaviors. Lack of independence or freedom. Fighting and many arguments. Manipulation.
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Here is a more in-depth psychological analysis about toxic relationships and my neutral point of view.
Let me just say that if you are in this type of relationship chances are you have something extremely valuable to learn in this interaction. It might sound masochistic. Why would someone actually want to be in a toxic relationship. Well we humans have one amazing system that kept us alive until now. Our emotional system. But like any other system it had its flaws. The biggest flaw is that these emotions, in a condensed and repeated form they create patterns. Patterns that generate ideas. And ideas that build beliefs. That simple.
If you have a strong positive belief about a type of behavior, like passive aggressive, you will be uncapable to see it as negative in any other circumstances or other people along your life. Well the human system has a response to that flaw in the emotional system. It generates attraction to the exact and specific person that can showcase you how that belief its not positive. That sound good. But it also happens with the negative. If you have a strong negative belief it will bring into your life someone that showcases you it’s not so negative.
Why do we attract “toxic people”?
Because we can’t live well or be able to pursuit many things in life if we live at the poles of human emotions. We can’t be really ourselves if we are too south or too north. Every time you have an extreme positive or negative understanding of something, this emotional system will try to snap you out of it.
Toxic relationships are not limited to romantic partners
It can be anyone around you. If it’s a member of your family obviously it means the belief it so polarized, you need someone that close to snap you out. Someone that you spend a lot of time and your entire childhood. If it a partner (husband or wife) again you spend the other half or more of your life with that person. They definitely have important snapping to do. And as we go down to the hierarchical scale the lesser integration or lesser emotional involvement the smaller the issue.
Therefore, if you struggle with a toxic relationship before you take any advice to exist the relationship, to seek revenge, to destroy a family, remember you are there to learn something. I advise you to take a look at you. Focus on you. And see what you want for yourself, how are you behaving, what do you do for self-preservation, what are your boundaries. Because if you just exit the relationship. Don’t worry it will come the same issues in different form and through a different person later on. Because the lesson is not yet learned.
In conclusion there are no toxic relationship. Only relationship you haven’t learned from yet. It’s your job to do that. Never the other person.
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